Mom expects 23-year old daughter to live under her strict house rules despite her covering half the bills, daughter reconsiders after getting a taste of independence: "I'm enjoying my 20s"

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Feb 10, 2025 5:00 PM EST

Hola, chicas. Compared to other kids raised in Latin American households, I had it pretty good growing up in terms of freedom. I was allowed to go to sleepovers, dye my hair, and have a boyfriend – except I wasn't really allowed to go on dates with him or see him outside of school.  Still, I wasn't given permission to do a lot of the things that my friends were doing, so when I went to college a few states away from my folks, I really thrived in the newfound independence. It was a real shock to me the summer of my freshman year when I had to suddenly adhere to my old curfew and tuck my nose ring back in – but hey, it was their house, their rules.

In our story today, a mother-daughter duo is poised to move in together while Mom goes through divorce proceedings. They're both stoked to spend quality time together until Mom lets slip that she won't abide by her daughter's new habits acquired since moving away. Our protagonist is taken aback to discover that her mother still sees her as a child despite years of independence. Scroll down for more.

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  • 01

    AITAH not wanting follow my mom's rules if paying half rent

    "Enjoy it now because once we're under the same roof again your lifestyle is gonna have to change"
    via mediaphotos

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    My mom and I (23F) are potentially getting an apartment together, and each paying half the rent, and she said there will still be the same rules applied as when I was still living at home with her.
    via u/OddMolasses5855
  • 03
    So for background information, my parents growing up weren't super strict, but are a little more traditional so they had certain rules with me that I of course, didn't like, and they still applied even once I turned 18(had to be home a certain time, no
    via u/OddMolasses5855
  • 04
    tattoos, no sleepovers with my boyfriend at the time, and I couldn't go on any trips that the rest of my friend group went on (all girls), however, I understand that it's their house, their rules, so of course the solution was me moving out, which I did,
    via u/OddMolasses5855
  • 05
    Cheezburger Image 10466110976
    via pixelshot
  • 06
    when I turned 21, I moved out with roommates and have been living there for the past 2 years, I'm in place financially now where I can afford an apartment of my own, and just graduated college last month, so I've been looking for apartments.
    via u/OddMolasses5855

  • As someone that grew up with strict parents, I totally feel for our protagonist.

  • 07
    At the same time, my parents decided to split a few months ago and are currently working on finalizing the divorce and selling the house, I'm the only one of my siblings who lives in the same state, and my
    via u/OddMolasses5855
  • 08
    mom knew about my plans to get an apartment, and asked if I'd wanted to look for one together and split the rent. (she was a stay at home mom for a while and now that her and my dad are done she's working a regular job so has been a little tight on money) This actually didn't seem like a bad idea to me, so I said yes. But now, we had a conversation yesterday and I told her about my tattoo
    via u/OddMolasses5855
  • 09
    Cheezburger Image 10466111232
    via quiqueespinosaa
  • 10
    appointment coming up, which she said to "enjoy now because once we're under the same roof again your lifestyle is gonna have to change" I was confused at first and that's when she mentioned that I'll have to pretty much follow the same rules that I did as when I was living with her and my dad,
    via u/OddMolasses5855
  • 11
    this made me very upset and I told her that if we're going to be getting an apartment where I'm paying half the bills I'm not following her rules. Now she's saying I'm disrespectful and ride and disappointed in me, and upset that I no longer want to get an apartment.
    via u/OddMolasses5855

  • I'm not sure Mom intended to reveal her intentions of controlling her daughter's life this early, but it's good she didn't wait until after they'd signed the apartment contract.

  • 12
    As someone who's 23, I go out with friends at night when I'm off the next day, been traveling within the country every other month, and just enjoying my 20's, I even have a trip to Cancun this summer for my birthday and now apparently I'd have to cancel
    via u/OddMolasses5855
  • 13
    Cheezburger Image 10466111488
    via Jacob Lund
  • 14
    that, I won't be doing anything that she doesn't agree or would make her uncomfortable inside the apartment, but outside of our living space I don't see the problem, but I don't want to damage the relationship with my mom so am I just being unreasonable?
    via u/OddMolasses5855
  • 15
    gastropod 43 If she cannot treat you as an adult. Don't move in with her. NTA
    via u/gastropod
  • 16
    ThisGirllsFine Make it a condition that if you share an apartment (I would suggest you don't but..), you are roommates and roommates don't get Told rules, they mutually Agree on rules and if she can't agree to that, you can't share an apartment.
    via u/ThisGirllsFine
  • 17
    Deranged Kitsune Absolutely not worth the risk. Mom sounds like the type that if given an inch, will take a mile. She'll agree to the terms to get her foot in the door, and once they're both on the lease and have moved in, she'll switch back to the old ways and make OPs life a living h I of constant nagging and fights.
    via u/Deranged_Kitsune
  • 18
    TerrorAlpaca Do you really think mom would keep her promise? I doubt that. She can't even accept that her kid is grown up and can make their own decisions.
    via u/TerrorAlpaca
  • 19
    Scary-Plum2783 OP, if your mom's still treating you like you're 15, don't move in with her. You're 23...live your life on your own terms and stop letting her outdated rules hold you back. Your freedom and independence are more important than her old- school expectations.
    via u/Scary-Plum2783
  • 20
    Economy-Cod310 This! My kids are in their 20s. They live in the downstairs part of my house. They pay bills, help. with the house maintenance, and chip in for any repairs, etc. They live their lives, and we live ours. I do not inflict rules on them like they are children. If any of us is going away or not coming home, we let the others know out of courtesy. That way, nobody is worried. But adults are adults!
    via u/Economy-Cod310
  • 21
    Chance Loss_1424 "Thank you for telling me this up front. I'm an adult now so the only rules I follow are my own so I'll get my own place but thank you for the offer." NTA and if money is as tight as you say expect a follow up conversation. Hold your ground.
    via u/Chance_Loss_1424
  • 22
    CrabbyCatLady41 Yes, she needs you more than you need her in this situation. You have the right to live your life as you see fit. If you think that continuing to enjoy your own life will damage your relationship with your mom, don't move in with her.
    via u/CrabbyCatLady41
  • 23
    throwbackblue here is the truth about your mom that will be hard to accept, she is using you. She used to be a stay at home mother and cant afford to live on her own. Or maybe she can live on her own, but she is co dependent on having someone around, which she can control. Dont live with her, there is always the risk to losing your freedom or waste time fighting for it
    via u/throwbackblue
  • 24
    to-wit-to-woo NTA. Do not move in with her. Even if she claims to accept that she can't dictate your life. She can find a share place of her own. She may be entitled to cash from her ex to help with her costs, encourage her to see a good lawyer.
    via u/to-wit-to-woo
  • 25
    Momof41984 This! She already showed her hand! Any back tracking or agreement to respect boundaries would be highly suspicious as manipulation.
    via u/Momof41984
  • 26
    priincessflower NTA. Paying half the rent means you're a roommate, not a child subject to her rules. Her expectations are unreasonable.
    via u/priincessflower
  • 27
    mereshadow1 Do not move in to a new apartment with your mom. As a person whose mom thought that I never grew up, and I would obey all of her rules, this will not end well.
    via u/mereshadow1

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family drama mother Female Empowerment adulting growing up motherhood reddit story relationships parenting motherdaughter love adulthood entitled reddit thread daughter Reddit
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